It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.
Thank you very much for responding to my letter in the first place. As a sort of “Easter egg,” it’s actually the second time you’ve answered one of my letters! The first one I wrote was years ago — I was early in my career and asked how to know whether you want to be a manager. You opened that one up to the readers who gave me a lot of really interesting perspective, and so the update there is that I, obviously, eventually became a manager, and I think I’m good at it (probably thanks in part to the years I have spent reading your advice!). Mentoring is an aspect of my job that I genuinely enjoy — but the downside is what drove me to write the second letter, about being “always on.”
I started to write you an update earlier in the year during your first call for updates, but honestly … it bummed me out. It has been a really hard year. The kind of hard that makes you question whether you’re in the right career. (I didn’t know that was a symptom of burnout until I went to a “lunch and learn” on stress and burnout at work. The seminar leaders suggested exercise and meditation. HELPFUL, THANKS.)
On the vacation I alluded to in my letter, I got engaged! The first three days of the trip were quiet, but I did have to spend about two hours working later in the trip (and frankly, it was a waste of time — I was prepping someone to deal with an important issue, but they ended up kicking the can until I got back). My company does the thing that I suspect most companies do — they talk a really good game about well-being and work/life balance, but it’s a talking point, not a reality for most people.
My boss has continued to demonstrate through words and actions that they place little stock in PTO. I just think it’s something we will always disagree on. I support my direct reports in taking ALL available PTO (what we can roll over is limited) and being fully unplugged, and I try to support peers both directly (by offering to cover work) and indirectly (by being loudly supportive of taking time off). If I have to be “that person” at my company, so be it. This is a hill I am willing to die on.
I recently had a frank conversation with our general counsel about no longer being sure that I wanted to continue in this career. The slightly panicked response I received suggests to me that I was being considered for a promotion next year, if I wanted it. Genuinely not sure if I want it. Genuinely have looked into going into a specific associate’s degree program because I think it would be fun and some days, I’m really tired of corporate life — and then, the very next day I find myself day dreaming about how I would do things when I have my boss’s job someday and I brainstorm ways to be more efficient and less stressed at work.
In summary, I might be having a midlife crisis? I’m trying not to rush into any decisions — I want any changes I make to be about running TOWARD something I’m excited about, not running away. Right now, I’m excited about things that would lead me to getting off the bullet train — and struggling with feeling like I “should” want to be trying to drive it, not getting off. Also, it’s scary to stop chasing the thing I’ve been chasing for a very, very long time.
So, more to come. Someday I hope I’ll write back with a more positive, or at least decisive, or if nothing else, succinct update! But in the meantime, I continue to appreciate the thoughtful and pragmatic advice you continue to dole out. Thank you.